July 16, 2005

Strange dreams

Posted by Scott at 07:09 AM

I woke up a couple of times last night relieved that my dream wasn't real. I don't recall which one came first, but they were both strange. They reflect the concerns a husband and father has towards his family.

In one dream I was back on the campus of Rose-Hulman. It's been over 16 years since I graduated from there so things are a little different now. Notably there are some girls on campus since it's now co-ed, but also there are some new buildings and facilities. I'm initially excited to be there because I'm about to start graduate studies for a masters degree. I see a few other graduate students who I recognize and they recall me from my undergrad days. I'm doing initial preparation work, like getting my ID card, checking my mailbox, finding my dorm room, etc. Overall I'm excited to be back and pursuing a degree.

Then suddenly I remember my life and panic. What about my wife and kids?! How on earth will I pay my mortgage and bills?! Hey, didn't I already earn a masters degree!? What on earth am I doing here?! Cool as it is, I shouldn't be here. It'll ruin my life! Now is not the time for such an academic boondoggle!

About that time, I wake up.

In my other dream I'm back at our little place at Wright Patterson AFB base housing. Back then our place had about one third as much interior space as we have now, a postage stamp sized yard, and a single car garage. By the strangeness of dreams, I was still entitled to have that place and our original furniture was still there just as it was when we lived there as DINKs.

As Michelle and I are walking around, I have the bright idea. The USAF gives you an allowance if you opt out of your base housing (while active duty, which I'm not, but it's a dream...). I suggest to Michelle that we release ourselves from the place and use the money to help pay our mortgage on our current Milford home. In the wacky world of dreams, Michelle is contemplating moving back into base housing so that we don't have a mortgage. While not paying a mortgage sounds nice, I tell her there's no way she wants to fit five children in this tiny two bedroom, one bathroom place. Look at this place, look at the yard, look at the garage! You'll go stir crazy from cabin fever! You'll be the lil' old woman who lived in a shoe!

Around that point, I wake up again. Maybe I shouldn't sleep anymore. As stressful as real life is, there's a lot that's in my past that I don't want to go back to. Thank you Lord that I've finished school — the bachelors and masters degrees, that I've finished my military service. Thank you for the house, the yard, the job, the children. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Suddenly bathing the kids, taking them to the bathroom, cleaning up after them, mowing the large lawn, etc. will be just a little easier today.

Comments

Hey- was just reading over this and I remembered my dream from last night. I had a now reoccuring dream that I am back as an undergrad and I have a math class that I realize I forgot to go to all semester- and I think "how the hec am i going to catch up on all that work??!!" I freak out and then wake up with the sweet, sweet thoughts of how i never have to take another math class again.....

Posted by: Suzy at July 21, 2005 02:50 PM

It's been about 12 years since grad school for me and I still get similar college "forgot to attend the class" dreams. They were certainly more frequent when I was "fresh out of school", but I still get them occasionally. Funny how school is in some ways among "the best times of your life" and yet, it still leaves such scars.

Posted by: Scott at July 21, 2005 03:32 PM