I've not written for a few days and with good reason. In my last post Michelle was getting a CT scan to follow up on a PET scan. On Wednesday morning we went to see Michelle's oncologist who confirmed that the breast cancer that has been twice before surgically removed and radiated is back, a metastatic cancer developing in her lungs. It is very early, with one small tumor on her left lung, and likely a few even tinier nodes in her right.
Looking back on my life I thought of the two happiest days. That crazy evening of February 13th, 1989 when this bright eyed girl whom I adored agreed to marry me. Then that subsequent August 9th when she did. I could joke and say rarely has womankind showed a greater lapse in judgement.
Hearing those words from the oncologist initially was like the antithesis of those days. With the images of my mother passing away last October still fresh in my head, all I could think of is being a widower as my dad is now. Biology trying to tear up two decades of the most awesome relationship I've known here on earth, separating me from the woman I still fervently love, admire, and adore.
At the same time our oncologist broke the news to us, she made a call to her counterpart down at Massachusetts General Hospital for a visit. She knew that they are on the leading edge, participating in trials for new promising therapies. We went down to Boston on Thursday and met with two leading oncologists there.
The good news is that because of the persistent scanning of Michelle, we have found this early. Rather than trying these new treatments as a last straw, we can try them while Michelle is a picture of athletic health and before the malignancies are far along. The ideal treatment would shrink the tumor or halt its growth with minimal side effects. If these tumors can't be killed, stop their development. Given Michelle's history of the past three years, an outright cure maybe unattainable, but for many this is chronic disease, not unlike diabetes, where we manage the disease but continue to live our lives.
So I couldn't write for a few days because it took a while to break it to the children. Claire figured it out Wednesday night. Michelle told Abby yesterday afternoon. I told the boys yesterday evening while Claire was at work and Abby away performing in a school play. We didn't want the kids to read about it online.
For those interested this treatment is the one we will likely pursue first. Researchers have been studying the genome of triple negative breast cancers and found two common pathways in many of them that can be foiled. It's possible this could help and if so great. If after three months we see nothing, we'll move on. There are others we can try and we have time.
The children seem to be taking it well. Time will tell and hopefully make it easier to cope with. They know their mom isn't going anywhere soon. As a fitness instructor, she can currently kick all of our butts. That level of fitness combined with early detection, is a great place from which to resume this battle.
Update: I forgot to mention one other tidbit of good news. Friday Michelle had a routine brain MRI. It's done because of the limitations of PET and CT scans. To quote Michelle's SMS to me that afternoon: “Dr. Rao called. The brain MRI looks normal. I have a brain! It doesn't work all the time, but isn't that great?” To get a text like that after the way we were both feeling Wednesday afternoon is a sign her hope and optimism is coming back.